Learning to cope
My first job was driving for Red Diesel Inverness and it involved exactly what you’d think the job of driving around delivering fuel would involve: I’d drive for a couple of hours, turn up at a farm and deliver the pay-load. I’d have a chat with the farmer or the farmer’s wife and then I would be on my way.
Only sometimes there are…how can I put this…interruptions. One such thing happened one fateful day in 2007 and I could barely sleep for weeks after…
I was late to deliver the payload, so when I arrived at the farm I was sure I’d be in for hassle. But instead of getting hassle, I got a farmer’s daughter running out of the farmhouse towards me. She smiled and said she had been expecting me, and in that moment I fell in love…
it was when I was putting the hose back and bidding the farmer’s daughter farewell that I ran into trouble
Not the conventional sort of love, you understand – or maybe you don’t, after all you are but a human being with not a clue of the way I live – but the kind where all I could do was stare at her bare neck and fantasize about dreaming upwards of a pint of blood.
Anyway, I tried to get on with my job of connecting the big old pipe to the container and did so without screaming in vampiristic rage, or doing what they always do in Twilight and ranting about how they can’t control themselves. But it was when I was putting the hose back and bidding the farmer’s daughter farewell that I ran into trouble. Behind me, a flock of sheet were blocking the road as the farmer delivered them to the field opposite the drive.
So I was stuck. Stuck with my own devious and highly tantalising thoughts, stuck chatting with the farmer’s daughter when all I wanted to do was lunge at her and sink my fangs in…you get the picture. It was tricky. And it was even trickier when a great big been stung her neck and then she rushed inside and I felt compelled to follow, what with all the screaming.
There then followed a tense and highly jealous few minutes as I helped her dab her neck with a warm towel, all the while trying to restrain myself from getting too close to her sweet-smelling neck.
Eventually I escaped to live another day, but I’ll tell you something for nothing: it was very tricky! My mother would have been proud of me, though, I know that much.
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