A Very Ordinary Vampire
This post is all about going out in the daylight. Yes, I know that sounds a bit dangerous and unorthodox, but it’s fine, honestly, as long as I prepare. Before I brave the outside world where the hideous creatures known as “human beings” walk, I must do the following.
1) Make sure I put my mobile phone in my pocket. Being 184 years of age takes its toll on your brain and it’s best to think ahead.
2) Cover myself with concealer that is a more human being kind of a colour. This is essential. People get very bored waiting in queues, such as at the bank, and the last thing you want is them checking out your white skin and thinking you’re a blood sucker.
3) Polish my shoes. Nothing to do with being a vampire, I just like my shoes polished.
4) Have a wee. I hate having to go to places were human beings all wee and poo together, one after another, so to avoid going for any of that horror I do a great big number 1 or 2 before I go out.
5) Now I am ready. Almost. I mustn’t forget my dark glasses. Contrary to popular belief that’s also nothing to do with me being a vampire. It’s more because the victim I attacked yesterday punched me in the face as I was in the process of sucking her blood. I don’t want people gawking at me, do I?
Now I am ready and I go out. To the supermarket first, to get tomato juice. This is a good topper-upper when the blood is running low and the victims aren’t quite as plentiful as they should be. After that it’s just a regular day. You know what it’s like: feeding in the shadows while wearing my Casual Fabrics from Vampire Clothes Online, avoiding the human “Police”. All that kind of thing. Boring, really.
similar posts:
Best summer in how long – Comment : A blog on the World Cup…
Big Energy Business : Poor energy saving. It used to be the kid…
In Simple Terms : If you are not involved in selling things and…
Things I Would Do In The Last 10 Seconds Before The World Ended : 1)…
Comments are closed!