You may think it strange that at my age I am a keyboard wizard. But it is very much true. Well actually I don’t just limit myself to the keyboard, I am quite the expert with a games controller or a Wii tennis racquet. This is crazy talk I hear you scream at me.
Well what did you think I spent all of my time doing whilst hiding away out of the sunlight? Playing with backgammon sets or cards? I don’t think so, this is the 21st century my friend and I have been around long enough to know how to keep up with the trends!
My first job was driving for Red Diesel Inverness and it involved exactly what you’d think the job of driving around delivering fuel would involve: I’d drive for a couple of hours, turn up at a farm and deliver the pay-load. I’d have a chat with the farmer or the farmer’s wife and then I would be on my way.
Only sometimes there are…how can I put this…interruptions. One such thing happened one fateful day in 2007 and I could barely sleep for weeks after…
I was late to deliver the payload, so when I arrived at the farm I was sure I’d be in for hassle. But instead of getting hassle, I got a farmer’s daughter running out of the farmhouse towards me. She smiled and said she had been expecting me, and in that moment I fell in love…
it was when I was putting the hose back and bidding the farmer’s daughter farewell that I ran into trouble
Not the conventional sort of love, you understand – or maybe you don’t, after all you are but a human being with not a clue of the way I live – but the kind where all I could do was stare at her bare neck and fantasize about dreaming upwards of a pint of blood.
Anyway, I tried to get on with my job of connecting the big old pipe to the container and did so without screaming in vampiristic rage, or doing what they always do in Twilight and ranting about how they can’t control themselves. But it was when I was putting the hose back and bidding the farmer’s daughter farewell that I ran into trouble. Behind me, a flock of sheet were blocking the road as the farmer delivered them to the field opposite the drive.
So I was stuck. Stuck with my own devious and highly tantalising thoughts, stuck chatting with the farmer’s daughter when all I wanted to do was lunge at her and sink my fangs in…you get the picture. It was tricky. And it was even trickier when a great big been stung her neck and then she rushed inside and I felt compelled to follow, what with all the screaming.
There then followed a tense and highly jealous few minutes as I helped her dab her neck with a warm towel, all the while trying to restrain myself from getting too close to her sweet-smelling neck.
Eventually I escaped to live another day, but I’ll tell you something for nothing: it was very tricky! My mother would have been proud of me, though, I know that much.
I spend most of my undead life ‘undercover’, hiding my true being from the humans around me and keeping my nature (or unnatural nature) a deadly secret. However, every now and then I surface, and present the world with the truth of my existence. In every single case up till now, no one has believed me, and I get away with my joke on humanity yet again.
Every few years I organise a costume ball. I pick a suitable otherworldly More
Are vampires real? That is not a question I would like to answer here and the best I can do is to leave the answer to the imagination of the reader. What I can say however is that they are everywhere in our daily contact with life. Before I move on, I remember how I used to ask about the first vampire and how they came to be part of the human story. I have heard various versions of their More
Most people, when I hear them talking about vampires, think of vampires as somehow lucky and thrilled creatures of the night. Oh, they can live forever, they say. And oh, how cool that must be!
Let me tell you yes, it has its advantages, but often it can also be a bind. A big old bind I tell you. Such as when you really fancy some nice young virgin blood and the streets are void of people. Honestly, last week More
I don’t know when or how it started, but I developed a fascination for blood at a very early age. One time, a friend pricked her finger and instinctively I took it in my mouth. Ah, the sweetness…it was as if my hungry soul was finally satiated. I soon became addicted. Blood was the only drug I needed to feel alive…ironically. I can’t say when I started losing friends, at least of the ’normal'kind. My parents still think its a More
A vampire’s bloodline or lineage is vitally (get it?) important. It is a matter of pride and status to be descended from one of the great vampiric names in history such as Dracula, Elisabeth Bathory, or Nosferatu. By descent, I mean of course to be “turned” into a vampire by either the great character himself or by one of their ‘get’.
Members of the same vampire ‘family'all owe allegiance to their common master or mistress, also known as a sire More
You may think that being a ‘Creature of the Night’will immediately take you away from any trivialities and irritants of modern everyday life… Well, you would in fact be VERY wrong!
For instance, just because I am a 184 year old blood-sucking fiend, it does not mean that I am without my fair share of ‘family problems’. Sure, you do have plenty of independence as a vampire but (at the end of the night) there are still the children to think about!
This post is all about going out in the daylight. Yes, I know that sounds a bit dangerous and unorthodox, but it’s fine, honestly, as long as I prepare. Before I brave the outside world where the hideous creatures known as “human beings” walk, I must do the following.
1) Make sure I put my mobile phone in my pocket. Being 184 years of age takes its toll on your brain and it’s best to think ahead.
If you are like me a night walker and thinking about getting a tattoo but not sure where to go, Diamond Jacks Tattoo Parlour is just the right place for you. It’s one of the longest operating tattoo parlour to be found in the West End of London. The environment of this parlour is modern and relaxing.
Mil Martinez, Gino Angelove, and Darryl Gates, are tattooing and running this studio and they have More
